So I'm sitting there listening to my cat complaining about dogs and where he thought their lot in life truly belonged. (He gets really morose when he has a little too much catnip in the evening.) I'm getting a little bored with his repetitive complaints and ask him to get some new material. He says, "like what???" I respond with, "Why don't you use the old joke about lightbulbs and give your take on what each breed's answer would be."
"Delightful!" was his answer. I thought that would be the end of it, but he insisted that I post them here on my blog. I agreed to. This is as many breeds as he could think of. Perhaps it will stop his complaining for at least a few nights. I mean, I'm getting really annoyed at him and am seriously considering a purchase of kitty quicksand litter or an electrified scratching post.
"Dogs changing a light bulb???
You're kidding, right? Ha ha ha ...
Sundown, you are so friggin' funny."
How many dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?
"First, I'll put all the light bulbs in
a little circle before I decide how
to change itl"
gee . . . I've always wanted to change a . . .
is it suppertime yet? . . . I need a nap.
Alright, who stepped on my damn ears
again? I'm sorry, what was the question
again?"
"Just one dog. And then I'll replace any
wiring that's not up to code. Go ahead . . .
time me."
"Who gives a rat's behind? I can still play with
my squeaky toys in the dark."
"Yo quiero Taco Bulb. Screw eeet.
We don't need no stinking light bulb."
"Why change it? I don't need any light
in order to pee - I can still FEEL where
the carpet is."
that was just what I needed for my poor ego. Gosh,
I guess I might as well go run in front of a car now
or something because I can't change a light bulb.
Is it time for my meds yet? Say, do I look like one
of those ducks who's been caught in an oil spill off
the coast?"
"Ask me that question again, and I will rip your
nuts off. Got it?"
"I'll change it as soon as I've led these people from
the dark, checked to make sure I haven't missed any,
and made just one more perimeter patrol to see that
no one has tried to take advantage of the situation."
"It ain't moving. Who gives a damn?"
"I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the
walls and furniture. How's that sound?"
"Oh, me, me!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change
the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh?
Can I? Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, please, please!
"I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll
do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house,
my nails will be dry."
"The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got
our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside
worrying about a stupid, burned out bulb? You're
messing with my zen, dude."
"Friggin’ make me, bitch."
"Light bulb? Where? I'm sorry, but I don't see
any friggin' light bulb!"
"Ummm . . . that depends. Probably only one if I
can wrap my tongue around the base the same way
I can lick all the disgusting stuff off my nose.
Say, is there a pretty bow on the light bulb, too?"
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