..
More than one person has asked me why, if I believe in most if not almost all of Christ's teachings, do I have such a problem with Christians? Simple answer - because, in my experience, I find that most claiming they are Christian really aren't Christian.
This became abundantly clear to me the day after Osama Bin Laden's assassination at the hands of the U.S. military. There were actually people expressing not just jubilation in the streets (literally), but they were acting as if their team had just won the Super Bowl with their in-your-face laughter and screams of delight. I won't debate whether or not his assassination was the best solution or not. Even if it was, and there are many logical arguments for it, the taking of a human life (even his) was not something that warranted celebration. At best, it should have resulted in humility or silent despair that the situation had come to that.
If you're a Christian who supports killing your enemies and torture, you have to come up with a new label for yourself because "Christian" just doesn't fit. "Capping thine enemy" is not exactly what Jesus would do. It's what Dick Cheney would do.
For almost 2,000 years, Christians have been lawyering the Bible to try and figure out how "love thy neighbor" can also mean "hate thy neighbor," and how "turn the other cheek" can mean, "screw you, I'm buying a bigger gun." Mostly, I just hear how that ol' "Thou shalt not kill" commandment doesn't really apply in times of war or how God even commanded his followers to kill others. The problem with that is THAT is in the Old Testament, which was written before Christianity even existed. You have to look to the New Testament for Christ, obviously, and killing thine enemy for God's glory isn't exactly what Jesus' message was in the New Testament.
Martin Luthor King got to honestly call himself a Christian because he actually practiced loving his enemies. Gandhi was so Christian that he was a Hindu. But if you support revenge or torture or war regardless of your reasons or justification - you cannot say you're a follower of the guy who explicitly said, "Love your enemies and do good to those who hate you." The next line isn't, "And if that doesn't work, send a titanium-fanged dog to rip his nuts off."
Jesus lays on the hippie stuff pretty thick. He has lines like, "Do not repay evil with evil," and "do not take revenge upon someone who wrongs you." Really. It's in that book that some Christians hold up when screaming at gay people about how God hates them. And, not to put too fine a point on it, but non-violence was kind of Jesus' trademark. Kind of his big thing. To not follow that part of it is like joining Greenpeace, but hating whales or enjoying a good baby seal clubbing.
I mean, there's "interpreting" and then there's just ignoring. It's just ignoring if you're for torturing your enemies to get information you want . . . which is exactly what more evangelical Christians support than any other religion. You're supposed to look at that figure of Christ on the cross and think, "How could a man suffer like that and forgive?", not "Romans are such pussies because he still has his eyes."
And even our President, who says he starts every morning by reading some scripture, said on "60 Minutes" that anyone who would question that Bin Laden deserved assassination should "have their head examined." And he'd be able to say that . . . if he didn't claim to be a Christian. Logically, if you ignore this basic tenant of Christianity, you're not a Christian - you're just auditing the class. What you really believe in is wearing and displaying the label . . . not trying your best to live up to the label.
Friday, September 16, 2011
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
You might be a Tea Party member IF . . .
..
1) You're lucky enough to have a job with a 40-hour work week, a paid vacation, and some kind of company-provided healthcare . . . but you're strongly anti-union because those union commies are one of the reasons why America is now in the toilet.
2) You strongly support the First Amendment and its guarantee of religious freedom to all, but you strongly oppose the Muslim community having the right to build an Islamic Community Center in Manhattan. (And anyone thinking the proposed site of the Community Center was at Ground Zero - please go back to your daily Rush Limbaugh fest).
3) You believe George W. Bush was a devout Christian who was obviously on a mission from God, but any president who spends twenty years going to the same Trinity United Church in Chicago must be a Muslim and was probably born in another country.
4) You believe when a Republican governor (Mitt Romney) creates a healthcare package with an individual mandate for everyone in his state (Massachusetts), that's a good idea. But when a Democratic president does it, suddenly it's an attempt to inject Socialism into America.
5) You believe in putting American jobs first except when President Obama rescues 1.5 million GM and Chrysler autoworker jobs because (again) that was Socialism.
6) You actually think Socialism and Communism are one and the same thing.
7) When the new 112th Congress was sworn in, you swooned as they promised to focus on Jobs, Jobs, Jobs!!! But when they pivoted 180 degrees and went after NPR, Planned Parenthood, and gay rights, you cheered like a Chicago Cubs fan seeing them winning the World Series.
8) You accuse President Obama of raising your taxes to the highest point ever even though they're lower today than at any time since 1950.
9) You actually believe the wealthiest Americans are THE job creators. Well, you're probably right, and it doesnt bother you that all the workers in those new job positions are located in India, China and Malaysia, doing the jobs that our parents and co-workers once did.
10) You believe corporations are deserving of the same rights as the rest of us . . . just not the same obligations such as paying personal income taxes free of corporate loopholes, or hard jail time for criminal behavior and tax evasion. In these matters, corporations are deserving of special rights.
11) You still believe Climate Change is a myth, and the recent record highs, lows, floods and droughts around the world coinciding with climate scientists' predictions are all an amazing coincidence. Oh, and Al Gore is a big, fat TURD who is just getting rich off all this Climate Change hysteria caused by scientists looking for government grant money.
12) You believe when George W. Bush took the national debt from $5 trillion to $11 trillion, it was necessary for him to do so to keep America safe. But when Barack Obama added to it by trying to rescue the country from a second Great Depression, he was deliberately trying to destroy America in preparation for the New World Order.
13) You believe America is a God-fearing country, and that the Almighty protects those who believe just as you do. But its never crossed your mind that the majority of tornados, hurricanes and floods all occur in the Bible Belt of this country.
14) You believe that no matter who is in the White House, the office, if not the man himself, is deserving of your respect. However, there is an exception to this rule: if his middle name sounds Muslim and he's not at least as white-looking as Mariah Carey.
15) You're so enthusiastic about demonstrating your Second Amendment rights that you can think of no finer place to brandish your pistol in public than at a presidential rally or the church parking lot after Sunday School.
1) You're lucky enough to have a job with a 40-hour work week, a paid vacation, and some kind of company-provided healthcare . . . but you're strongly anti-union because those union commies are one of the reasons why America is now in the toilet.
2) You strongly support the First Amendment and its guarantee of religious freedom to all, but you strongly oppose the Muslim community having the right to build an Islamic Community Center in Manhattan. (And anyone thinking the proposed site of the Community Center was at Ground Zero - please go back to your daily Rush Limbaugh fest).
3) You believe George W. Bush was a devout Christian who was obviously on a mission from God, but any president who spends twenty years going to the same Trinity United Church in Chicago must be a Muslim and was probably born in another country.
4) You believe when a Republican governor (Mitt Romney) creates a healthcare package with an individual mandate for everyone in his state (Massachusetts), that's a good idea. But when a Democratic president does it, suddenly it's an attempt to inject Socialism into America.
5) You believe in putting American jobs first except when President Obama rescues 1.5 million GM and Chrysler autoworker jobs because (again) that was Socialism.
6) You actually think Socialism and Communism are one and the same thing.
7) When the new 112th Congress was sworn in, you swooned as they promised to focus on Jobs, Jobs, Jobs!!! But when they pivoted 180 degrees and went after NPR, Planned Parenthood, and gay rights, you cheered like a Chicago Cubs fan seeing them winning the World Series.
8) You accuse President Obama of raising your taxes to the highest point ever even though they're lower today than at any time since 1950.
9) You actually believe the wealthiest Americans are THE job creators. Well, you're probably right, and it doesnt bother you that all the workers in those new job positions are located in India, China and Malaysia, doing the jobs that our parents and co-workers once did.
10) You believe corporations are deserving of the same rights as the rest of us . . . just not the same obligations such as paying personal income taxes free of corporate loopholes, or hard jail time for criminal behavior and tax evasion. In these matters, corporations are deserving of special rights.
11) You still believe Climate Change is a myth, and the recent record highs, lows, floods and droughts around the world coinciding with climate scientists' predictions are all an amazing coincidence. Oh, and Al Gore is a big, fat TURD who is just getting rich off all this Climate Change hysteria caused by scientists looking for government grant money.
12) You believe when George W. Bush took the national debt from $5 trillion to $11 trillion, it was necessary for him to do so to keep America safe. But when Barack Obama added to it by trying to rescue the country from a second Great Depression, he was deliberately trying to destroy America in preparation for the New World Order.
13) You believe America is a God-fearing country, and that the Almighty protects those who believe just as you do. But its never crossed your mind that the majority of tornados, hurricanes and floods all occur in the Bible Belt of this country.
14) You believe that no matter who is in the White House, the office, if not the man himself, is deserving of your respect. However, there is an exception to this rule: if his middle name sounds Muslim and he's not at least as white-looking as Mariah Carey.
15) You're so enthusiastic about demonstrating your Second Amendment rights that you can think of no finer place to brandish your pistol in public than at a presidential rally or the church parking lot after Sunday School.
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Dogs changing a light bulb
.
So I'm sitting there listening to my cat complaining about dogs and where he thought their lot in life truly belonged. (He gets really morose when he has a little too much catnip in the evening.) I'm getting a little bored with his repetitive complaints and ask him to get some new material. He says, "like what???" I respond with, "Why don't you use the old joke about lightbulbs and give your take on what each breed's answer would be."
"Delightful!" was his answer. I thought that would be the end of it, but he insisted that I post them here on my blog. I agreed to. This is as many breeds as he could think of. Perhaps it will stop his complaining for at least a few nights. I mean, I'm getting really annoyed at him and am seriously considering a purchase of kitty quicksand litter or an electrified scratching post.
"Dogs changing a light bulb???
You're kidding, right? Ha ha ha ...
Sundown, you are so friggin' funny."
"First, I'll put all the light bulbs in
a little circle before I decide how
to change itl"
"Hah Hah. A light bulb? That's a . . .well .
gee . . . I've always wanted to change a . . .
is it suppertime yet? . . . I need a nap.
Alright, who stepped on my damn ears
again? I'm sorry, what was the question
again?"
"Just one dog. And then I'll replace any
wiring that's not up to code. Go ahead . . .
time me."
"Who gives a rat's behind? I can still play with
my squeaky toys in the dark."
"Yo quiero Taco Bulb. Screw eeet.
We don't need no stinking light bulb."
"Why change it? I don't need any light
in order to pee - I can still FEEL where
the carpet is."
"You know I can't reach that stupid lamp! Thanks,
that was just what I needed for my poor ego. Gosh,
I guess I might as well go run in front of a car now
or something because I can't change a light bulb.
Is it time for my meds yet? Say, do I look like one
of those ducks who's been caught in an oil spill off
the coast?"
"Ask me that question again, and I will rip your
nuts off. Got it?"
"I'll change it as soon as I've led these people from
the dark, checked to make sure I haven't missed any,
and made just one more perimeter patrol to see that
no one has tried to take advantage of the situation."
"It ain't moving. Who gives a damn?"
"I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the
walls and furniture. How's that sound?"
"Oh, me, me!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change
the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh?
Can I? Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, please, please!
"I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll
do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house,
my nails will be dry."
"The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got
our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside
worrying about a stupid, burned out bulb? You're
messing with my zen, dude."
"Friggin’ make me, bitch."
"Light bulb? Where? I'm sorry, but I don't see
any friggin' light bulb!"
"Ummm . . . that depends. Probably only one if I
can wrap my tongue around the base the same way
I can lick all the disgusting stuff off my nose.
Say, is there a pretty bow on the light bulb, too?"
So I'm sitting there listening to my cat complaining about dogs and where he thought their lot in life truly belonged. (He gets really morose when he has a little too much catnip in the evening.) I'm getting a little bored with his repetitive complaints and ask him to get some new material. He says, "like what???" I respond with, "Why don't you use the old joke about lightbulbs and give your take on what each breed's answer would be."
"Delightful!" was his answer. I thought that would be the end of it, but he insisted that I post them here on my blog. I agreed to. This is as many breeds as he could think of. Perhaps it will stop his complaining for at least a few nights. I mean, I'm getting really annoyed at him and am seriously considering a purchase of kitty quicksand litter or an electrified scratching post.
"Dogs changing a light bulb???
You're kidding, right? Ha ha ha ...
Sundown, you are so friggin' funny."
How many dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?
"First, I'll put all the light bulbs in
a little circle before I decide how
to change itl"
gee . . . I've always wanted to change a . . .
is it suppertime yet? . . . I need a nap.
Alright, who stepped on my damn ears
again? I'm sorry, what was the question
again?"
"Just one dog. And then I'll replace any
wiring that's not up to code. Go ahead . . .
time me."
"Who gives a rat's behind? I can still play with
my squeaky toys in the dark."
"Yo quiero Taco Bulb. Screw eeet.
We don't need no stinking light bulb."
"Why change it? I don't need any light
in order to pee - I can still FEEL where
the carpet is."
that was just what I needed for my poor ego. Gosh,
I guess I might as well go run in front of a car now
or something because I can't change a light bulb.
Is it time for my meds yet? Say, do I look like one
of those ducks who's been caught in an oil spill off
the coast?"
"Ask me that question again, and I will rip your
nuts off. Got it?"
"I'll change it as soon as I've led these people from
the dark, checked to make sure I haven't missed any,
and made just one more perimeter patrol to see that
no one has tried to take advantage of the situation."
"It ain't moving. Who gives a damn?"
"I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the
walls and furniture. How's that sound?"
"Oh, me, me!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change
the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh?
Can I? Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, please, please!
"I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll
do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house,
my nails will be dry."
"The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got
our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside
worrying about a stupid, burned out bulb? You're
messing with my zen, dude."
"Friggin’ make me, bitch."
"Light bulb? Where? I'm sorry, but I don't see
any friggin' light bulb!"
"Ummm . . . that depends. Probably only one if I
can wrap my tongue around the base the same way
I can lick all the disgusting stuff off my nose.
Say, is there a pretty bow on the light bulb, too?"
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